The Book Of Focus

A COLLECTION OF IDEAS AND TOOLS FOR TAKING CONTROL OF LIFE 


The quest to reach the summit, starts with the first step. Anon*

First, an introduction
The following pages contain many of the key findings picked up on my journey of self-discovery, embarked upon from New Year's Day, 2015. It's taken me a considerably long time to complete this book but it took me even longer to start writing it in the first place. At the very end of 2015, after completing my 365 consecutive days of writing a blog-diary, I made a pledge from January 1st, 2016 to properly go over my learnings, delve deeper into the many touched upon topics, further research my findings and compile all my new-found knowledge into a concise format for better sharing with the rest of humanity. But, I struggled to make the necessary first steps, bumbled along, differed and delayed until finally having an epiphany on September 1st 2016, the very date these first words freely flowed.


The reasons for this eight month lapse, I realised, were not through laziness, lack of time or poor motivation, but were attributed to three factors, that were initially hidden from me. I read through all 365 posts, re-checked/referenced the links contained within them and in the process of reminding myself about all the useful lessons learned, I became increasingly disillusioned about any realistic possibility of ever being a) Successful as a writer, b) Seen as a positive influence in self mastery or c) Credible as some kind of enlightened 'guru'. In essence, I didn't feel 'special' or experienced enough to make any grand claims to be any of these things. I’m not a scholar, schooled in psychology, philosophy, theology or any other ‘ology’ for that matter. What was this book about, and who would want to read it? Who was I to offer advice on life? How could I justify taking someone's money for essentially writing about other people's discoveries? I certainly didn't want to be seen as some bogus self-help guru (something one of my friends balked at when suggesting I write a book), professing a path to greatness. We surely don''t need any more self-help books with authors telling us how amazing we can all be if we just apply ourselves? But everyone could benefit from learning more about what makes them tick to avoid being any less amazing and the ideas I've discovered and applied for myself, have really helped me to become a better person in a relatively short space of time.

Self Discovery
One of the greatest discoveries on this journey of mine, came along after about 11 months of soul searching. I got this revelation through a steady, repetitive, daily, quiet period of self reflection and observation. Over this sustained length of time, I slowly began to understand facets of my character and my potential for achieving both positive and negative outcomes. I witnessed where success and failure happened by observing my actions just as a 3rd party would do. This feat was achieved by my continued perseverance at delving into my hidden persona, made possible through a quest for discovering a better understanding of my own mind, the characteristics that define my personality, the preferable behaviour patterns that affirm my position in a group, set my place within society and ultimately were holding me steadfast within a narrow frame of mind! I realised that EVERYTHING is purely about mindset. In this eureka! moment, it dawned on me, that so many of my successes and failures were specifically related to the mindset I was in at that particular moment.

Exuding confidence without being arrogant, expressing friendliness without appearing either meek or overbearing, plus showing respect, being considerate, compassionate and charitable towards our fellow human beings, coupled with our ability to portray a positive outlook in life whilst always having the energy to take decisive actions in order to retain all of the right qualities for a happy life. These were the ingredients for success.

The basic tools discovered in my 1st year, were essentially all I needed to better understand the person I am/have become/continue to improve and these tools, which are also contained within the book, will I'm sure, be equally as useful to you and everyone else seeking to take control of their lives.

The True Mark of Success
You need to believe in whatever you are doing for it to become a success. But generating a stronger sense of worth can be a difficult task, especially concerning self-belief. On the one hand, any negative external influences can knock our confidence and we can slide down into obscurity. But on the flip-side, an over-inflated opinion of ourselves will alienate us from others too. So the first major drawback for me with my progress in starting this book, occurred because of the way I perceived myself. This perception further influenced how others perceived me and I'd already started to learn how my projection of self to set the right or wrong impression, could mean either the doors were opened wide or slammed in my face. So, once I'd appreciated that my lack of self-belief was having such a significant effect on not bringing me positive outcomes, I learned to adjust my thinking to create greater probability for obtaining the successful results I needed. This realisation also brought me to the greatest question about the topic of success. What is it? What defines success and how do we measure it? I shall come back to this interesting conundrum countless times throughout this book. Recognising what success ultimately is, weaving success into a pre-perceived failure and by taking the greatness out of success to make it a regular occurring phenomenon, makes success possible to achieve for everyone and for them to have it in abundance every single day. This key learning has been another one of the defining reasons why this book has been completed with the intention of reaching a potentially huge target of readers. We are all successful. It's completely subjective and relevant to each individual for what the word success really means.

The Selfish Help Guru
Generosity is a nice personality attribute to have, right? But selfishness is the best. For what is charity, but yet another great act of self-gratification? It ultimately makes us feel better about ourselves.

What was my motivation for writing a blog/diary? It developed out of a need for me to take control of myself; assess, repair, nurture and grow into a better person. This has been the ultimate selfish act. I've been looking out for myself 100% throughout the whole journey. This book is a measure of my self-indulgence. But, it's also a gift back to humanity because through finding out about some really useful tools for improving my physical and mental health, I've also had a better impact on other people's lives. Family, friends and strangers I come into contact with, now have the 2.0 version of me, which is already a great benefit. I'm a regular person — just like you. I am not an extroverted, quaffed, tanned, cosmetic dentist advertisement — potentially what others envisage a 'self-help' guru, to be like.

The thought of my professing to be some kind of 'guru', actually repelled me. This was the second major factor holding me back. I'm not a guru and I'm not saying I'm any more important, successful or financially well-off than you — but I do feel enlightened right now about what I've learned. None of these tips or tricks for a better life are new - they have already been discovered — many of them millenia ago! I'm merely collating some of my learned, tried & tested tips into a book and passing them on, so they may be put to further good use by others out there. In doing so, this not-for-profit book can help bring balance back in to my life, to help sustain my selfish ways. And your contributions to this book, covering production costs and anything extra on top, deferred to CALM and Cancer Research, will jointly increase the balance in mine and your karma bank too.

Believe Me
I strongly believe that you will discover something truly remarkable just from reading this book. You will see that someone so unremarkable as me, can even write a book! And if I can put into action the knowledge and tools which have got me here, then you too, can put in the work required for finding yourself, learn about the traits that hinder, refine the traits that aid you and take your first steps on the journey to greater personal enlightenment.


*This metaphorical quote was actually made up by me, taken from the many other similar quotes used to represent a journey towards greatness. I take no credit for it. All the findings in this book will reference the people's names and places where I found them. Wherever possible, I will avoid quoting other people's quotes, one of the things I find to be a little contrived and over-used in many 'self-help' books.

Draft v1.1

Dedication

HERE'S TO HAPPINESS

This book is dedicated to all the people struggling to find happiness in their lives and especially to the memories of Toby and Adam, who sadly took their own lives at the end of 2014. Their hidden turmoil, battling against depression, inspired me to put pen to paper on the first day of 2015. 

For mum and dad — who have given me such love and support. There are too many lost souls in the world, because of a poor start in life and I'm eternally grateful to them for giving me such solid grounding to even begin writing this book. And for Cathy, my life co-pilot, who's love and boundless energy has greatly influenced me to focus on being a happier and more positive person.

The January Pledge

NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS

The New Year brings a time of contemplation. With the Christmas holidays, comes quality time for reflection and plans for the future.

Maybe it's a an age thing or maybe it's responsibilities, or potentially, just something smarter people have always done. For me, it took a couple of serious wake up calls. A reminder about the shortness of human existence can do it — especially when it's a close member of the family like your father's life. Having an additional couple of very tragic suicide episodes happening close by, to further hammer home the reality of life (and inevitable death), I've taken it upon myself to take notes over the last three years. There's been a much more conceited effort to write down my plans, aspirations, learnings, successes (and failures) and every December — my New Year's resolutions.

2017 And The January Pledge
January is now one of my most favourite months of the year. Being a secret introvert, I mostly stumble through the summer months picking up party pace in the many festivals, holidays and just as I'm recovering from final Halloween come-down, it's no real let-up before we're into December and I'm having to once again, put my game face on for the silly season. Come New Year — I'm longing for the Jan cave!

So, here's my takings on the New Year and Jan plans. 

First priority this year, is to find my joy

I want to get excited about something again. The last time I really felt giddy with joy, was about four years ago — funnily enough, at Glastonbury festival, but that's not a realistic benchmark to measure joy (or more like borderline insanity) against, or a very long-term, sustainable, healthy lifestyle to follow, at that! But looking at the key aspects I can retain from that time, certainly hanging out with friends needs to happen more often, plus getting away from it all and being in nature all go down on my list. And, if I pre-plan some time/space for this kind of release (and for recovery), then I also shouldn't be so hard on myself when I do cut loose. 

I need to look back at all the experience and skills learned over the years for establishing myself again.

I've lost a bit of self confidence
Truth is, I've been lazy and adopted a defeatist attitude. These negative thoughts have been allowed to fester over time and now I'm going through a process of reprogramming myself with positive attitudes. Nobody really likes change. We get comfortable — we want to get the slippers on and slouch into the comfy chair. That's just not possible. In an ever-changing and fast-paced workplace, like the graphic design industry, it's inevitable that we get left behind if we don't adapt.

I will toughen up and use the hardship experienced by Alistair Urquhart from The Forgotten Highlander (I will never whinge again after reading this book), as my inspiration for what true suffering is. My optimism will stay high, no matter how tricky things may get down the line – Frankl's book: Man's Search for Meaning, should be in everyone's library for showing how we can overcome even the darkest of scenarios. More determination and a re-booted mindset will bring me progress & lead me to excel in a business/money-making venture this year. I will focus on positive mindsets for attraction and invest my energies in a project that will be rewarding, plus give me employment beyond just that of graphic design.

– This year, I will write a book over the coming 12 months, publishing a chapter every month
– I will look at doing something big and potentially life changing
– I will make use of my contacts and connections
– Success won't be the focus but my efforts and passion will help it come naturally
– I will tidy myself up, throw away all the old toot and smarten up my wardrobe

January Pledge
– Stop drinking (as much)
– Write first chapter of the book
– Exercise regularly
– Do 5 positive things per day
– Food diary
– Up early every day (I can snooze if not working)

So there you have it. Nothing too grand, but it shows thought and there are a few open avenues for development too. Putting these thoughts out there into the real world, not only acts as a reminder, but also helps them to become realised. I read them regularly (kept on my phone in a notes app). You have to feel them when reading and obviously evaluate progress as we go along. And eventually, they happen and you look back on these words like they were some kind of crazy premonition.